Keys to Surviving NYC in 90 Degrees

• Upon exiting a well air conditioned building (i.e. your office) take in one last large breath of cool breathable air just before walking through the doors, into the humid water tank that is the street.
• Walk as close as you possibly can to stores. Many times they have their doors open, which provide a quick cold rush of air to passersby.
• Do not and I mean DO NOT walk by any fresh fish markets. **Especially the one on Sutphin Blvd. in Jamaica, Queens. The smell of yesterday’s fish in that degree of heat will make even the strongest person’s gag reflex reflux.** It’s also probably a pretty safe bet to stay away from South Street Seaport.
• When you enter a subway car that you even slightly suspect may be without air conditioning, abort your mission! Trust me, this is a totally valid reason to break the “no walking between cars while the train is in motion” rule. You don’t want to be stuck in a crowded, sweltering car with someone’s moist bunk armpit in your face.
• Buses!!! If you have to walk around Manhattan in the ungodly heat, use the MTA buses, they are usually well air conditioned and make for a much better trip than weaving in and out of hot, sweaty, crabby people. In my experience, people are much happier on the bus in the heat.
• Avoid the corner of 4th Avenue and President Street in Brooklyn. For some reason there is a year round lingering odor of dead bodies there. With every climbing degree, the smell heightens to unimaginable proportions. So, around July it smells like someone dumped medical waste or amputated limbs there.
• The best thing about NYC in the summer is The Hamptons! I’m not talking about going there. I’m referring to the fact that all of the annoying Manhattanites travel in 3 hours of traffic by car or Jitney every Thursday night to go there for the weekend, so the city is essentially empty from Friday to Sunday evening. Restaurants, museums, movie theatres, oh my! All normally fairly annoying, are much less crowded and best of all: AIR CONDITIONED.
• Tasty Di-Lite. Low fat and all over Manhattan (and some places in Brooklyn).
• Ordering lunch in. Do you really want to leave your wonderfully cool office to schlep down 5th Avenue with all of the other pissed off zombies to go and buy lunch? Take my advice my friend, have it delivered.
• I’m still not sure what the answer is to surviving the subway stations in the high temperatures. I usually just keep reminding myself that the air conditioned train is coming, but it doesn’t prevent the feeling that I have jumped into a large dirty fish tank and that my lungs are filling up with all of the malaria infested water. Any ideas?
• This sounds mean, but avoid homeless people. If you think they smell bad in December…Duuuuuuuude.
• Do not walk by the backs of those “hybrid” buses. Unless, of course, you need to burn off some unwanted facial hair.